Update Part 1

Where do I begin? So much has happened in these last few months that I don't know where to start. Perhaps it's best to start with the one that I constantly think of, worry about, and painfully cry over and that is my lovely fiancee. After a year now of prayer, searching the Bible, and taking into account the experiences and advice from godly persons of the past and present regarding marriage, her and I want to marry.

Right now, I'm in the most hellish state on earth that I've ever been in. These few months have grown darker and darker. It seems as though God has abandoned me but I know He is with me always, even to the end of the world (Matthew 28:20).

I love my fiancee immensely. Her beauty is very great. When she tells me something by a whisper, it is that "gentle and quiet spirit" that comes forward and gives me a glimpse into just how beautiful my fiancee, this little creature of God, can be.

The trouble comes for me when God "stands back" as it were and watches certain things happen that cause pain. It gets worse when I beg God to remove these burdens and they're still on my back. One of those burdens is her parents. They don't allow me to see or talk to her anymore. They falsely accuse me of certain things.

What brings me the most terrible sadness I've ever felt is to think that within a few months from now, she will decide something else.

Another burden is how I'll be able to provide for her. God watches as I worry myself to the grave. He knows the desire of my heart is that on April 5th, 2008, I'll have my precious bride and she'll have me. He also knows that this cannot be unless I'm making at least $1,000 a month to provide for her.

To be continued...